I wish I had some "phew!" news to share about last week's MRI. Instead, I'm bracing for another round of ultrasounds — this time to get images of a second "area of concern" near my known tumor, and two more in the other breast, which wasn't ultrasounded when this whole cancer thing started because nothing looked weird in my mammogram.
I may get these three new areas of concern biopsied right away. If the areas of concern don't show up in the ultrasound of my right breast, I may learn (another day in another hospital) how on earth a doctor can steer a long needle into the breast of a woman lying face down in an MRI machine to biopsy two half-centimeter spots. As my wise mother said through her tears when I shared this latest news news: "They're finding what they need to get out of you, Lizzie." Yes, they are. I'm grateful for every piece of data we gather before I make the critical decisions about my treatment. That's the positive side of my attitude about this Search for Cancer: Part II business. I won't lie — I'm also supremely disappointed that I have to deal with this. Thanks to Sean, all of you, a good cry every now and then, and steady doses of stand-up comedy I've been consuming on Netflix, Xfinity, Crackle, Amazon, etc. ... the positivity is still winning over the "OMG, can I wake up from this nightmare, already?" moments. As I wrote a friend today, when I'm feeling blue/pissed/scared, I think of everyone who's been sending me such steady streams of love and wishes for good health, and it lifts my down-in-the-dumps spirits — like the mental health equivalent of crowd surfing. I am taking lots (and lots and lots) of deep breaths these days, channeling wisdom about mindfulness that I've soaked up in the past year (turns out the advice that helps parents not have tantrums alongside their kids also helps you calm down in the face of a shitbird like cancer) ... and every step of the way remembering that I'm strong, I'm healthy, and I'm taking my time to figure out how best to conquer an evil son-of-a-bitch disease that does not and never will define me.